Kids Go to the Woods...Kids Get Dead (2009)

Review:
When I saw the trailer for "Kids go to the Woods...Kids get Dead" I knew it would be right up my alley. Much like Writer/Director Michael Hall I grew up on "USA up all night" watching such masterpieces as Psycho Cop Returns, The Toxic Avenger and numerous 80's sex comedies. So when I heard Kids get Dead was a love letter to the good old days of USA up all night I had to see it. And thanks to Michael Hall I've gotten that chance.

Kids go to the Woods begins with some home movie footage that's replaced with a static filled tv commercial before cutting to the horror hostess of the film "Candy Adams" It's just like watching one of your old VHS tapes. The home movie stuff you accidently taped over popping up, the commericials you tried your best editing out and the entertaining horror host. The ditzy hostess brought a huge smile to my face and reminded me of the days when USA actually showed something worthwhile. After a vignette with Candy Adams (she appears throughout the movie) the movie begins and what proceeds is sex, death, lesbians and a badass killer. Simply put I had a fucking blast!

Kids go to the Woods...Kids get Dead would fit right in with the likes of Friday the 13th and My Bloody Valentine. We have the masked killer, the bloody kills, the horny teenagers, the virgin final girl and the crazy old man who warns our main characters of the dangers ahead. If you're a fan of 80's slasher films then you don't want to miss out on this nostalgic piece of horror entertainment.

For the first hour of the film we spend a lot of time with our main characters before the masked killer does away with them. Don't worry horror fiends there are plenty of sequences in the middle of the killer murdering disposable side characters. I actually appreciate the amount of time we spend with the main characters as we get to care for some of them before they die. The acting is serviceable with some of the actors giving better performances then others ones. The acting is no better and no worse than most early slasher movies.

Being a low budget affair I was surprised how convincing the FX work was. There were problems here and there with the FX (an obvious plastic Ax for example) but most of the time they delivered the bloody goods. A sequence where a character has his head twisted around his body was so good I had to rewind it and watch it again. Kudos to Julie Langer for the good work.

The movie also looked unbelievably great for being low budget. Props to cinematographer Robert J. Huntley.

Tag to that energetic direction by Michael Hall, an old school music score and efficient editing makes Kids go to the Woods...Kids get Dead well worth watching.

So what are you doing? Click the link below and buy a copy. Fans of 80's slasher films and USA up all night won't regret it.

Recommended.

7/10

http://darkstarentertainment.net/kgd/kgdhome1.html

Hatchet (2007) movie review

In the world where PG-13 horror tries to rule the box office comes a horror film that homages itself towards the splat-tastic treats from the 80's. A film that says "Fuck you" to those PG-13 pieces of cow shit and and brings on the excellent over the top death sequences and has enough tits and ass to please any horny fanboy. That film is "Hatchet"

"Hatchet" echoes those 80's slasher films to a T. You have the over the top but extremely cool kills, females showing off the goods and intentional hilarious humor. This has to be one of the most entertaining films this year and had jumping up and down in my seat like a madman with crabs (Ugh forget that). We have the cool and pissed off killer (played by the great yet slightly overrated Kane Hodder) Victor Crowley. His back story was well handled and actually had me giving a crap about him and that's rare! The main characters actually didn't annoy me (like some slasher films from the '80's) and I grew to like all of them, even the ditzy females. Well the old couple somewhat annoyed me but they're not around for long. You can't help but love a opening sequence featuring Robert Englund and Joshua Leonard that ends with limbs being off and cuts to a opening credits sequence featuring a Marilyn Manson song booming over a Mardi Gras scene featuring lots of boobage. Doesn't that sound fucking awesome?

Tag to that the Make-Up and Gore FX (created by John Carl Buechler) is all practical without any shitty CGI enhancement. Even the badass Wrong Turn 2 didn't fully pull that off. One thing that makes the film work so well is the location, the swamps of New Orleans. Although I was disappointed that I didn't get a Swamp Thing cameo (damn!) the location worked wonderfully with the film. Any good slasher film has a nice sense of humor and thanks to Deon Richmond's character who get some hilarious dialogue. Last but not least cameos by Robert Englund, Joshua Leonard, Tony Todd and John Carl Buechler.

Joel David Moore (Ben) can play this role in his sleep. He comes off as an extremely likable lad that you root for to survive. Deon Richmond (Marcus) was a funny black guy that wasn't annoying. Didn't know that was possible! Tamara Feldman (Marybeth) did a good job as the tough chick with a vendetta against Victor Crowley. Kane Hodder (Victor Crowley/ Mr. Crowley) did a great job in both roles, playing the pissed off psycho Victor perfectly and actually giving off solid emotion as Daddy Crowley without speaking one word. Great job Mr. Hodder!

Adam Green's directing was tight, smooth and handled the suspense sequences like a pro. His directing is at best when he's shooting the kills. Great job!

The music was mostly forgettable for me except a few cues that stuck out. Overall decent. The Marilyn Manson song in the opening is fantastic.

When it comes to gore Hatchet delivers big fucking time. People are spilt in two, limbs are ripped apart, some impalements and much more. Violent and extremely bloody. See the uncut version for full effect.

Ever wonder what it would look like if Mercedes McNab (Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel fame) dropped her top to show off the goods? No more wondering because she does it several times, along with Joleigh Fioreavanti. There's also lots of nudity in the Mardi Grais sequence. Boys get the drool cups!

Any negative comments? The movie could've been at least 5 minutes longer and the aburpt ending was a little too aburpt for me. Nothing too horrible but I expect some people being pissed off by it. Also some reviews calling Victor Crowley the next icon of horror is a bit over the top. He's cool but far from original.

When Hatchet comes to DVD in December you horror geeks need to get your grubby little hands on it. It delivers anything you would ever want in a throwback to the great slasher films of the 1980's. Highly Recommended.

8/10

Movie Knight Double Feature Vol. 2

Grab your nachos and Pepsi movie geeks cause it's the Movie Knight Double Feature.

(plays Grindhouse theme music)

Our first movie tonight is....

Slashers (2001)
Director- Maurice Devereaux
Run Time-99 minutes

Story:

Japan's number one extreme reality show is having it's first all-American special! Six lucky contestants, chosen from thousands of applicants, will have the chance to win millions of dollars, and all they have to do is stay alive!

Review: I’ve been wanting to check this film since I read Arrow in the Head’s review of it 6 years ago. I’m glad I sat down and watched it because it was actually pretty good.

Slashers reminded me of a mixture of The Running Man and Battle Royale. Right from the opening scenes I knew I would enjoy this film. It wore its gory violence and warped humor right on its sleeve and made sure us horror fans were entertained along the way. Despite being obviously low budget, Director Maurice Devereaux made it all wrong wonderfully. I love how the film played like it was one big continuous take, with edits being hidden here and there. The sets were great. I especially liked the circus one. One thing I found both cool and funny was when the show went on commercial break both the contestants and The Psychos would have to stay still until the commercial ended and if they didn’t listen, they would be zapped via a collar on their necks. One particular scene had one of The Psychos showing his human side during the commercial. Funny shit! The Psychos were a blast to watch, especially the hillbilly madman Chainsaw Charlie. Dr. Ripper has his moments of fun (he loves ripping off the shirts of females!) but sadly Preacher Man dies too early on to make any true impact. The gore is thick and goopy with bodies being sliced in two, a couple decapitations and more.

Any complaints? Too much talking was going on in this movie. Shut up already! None of the acting was any special but the lead female character annoyed the shit out of me. I wanted Chainsaw Charlie to slice her ass in two right from the start!

“Slashers” is simply a good way to spend 99 minutes. I recommend renting it, it’s worth it.

7/10

(bathroom break)

Our next movie is...

Prison (1988)
Director-Renny Harlin
Run Time-102 minutes

Story:

When Charles Forsyth was sent to the electric chair for a crime he didn't commit, he forever haunts the prison where it occured. Flash forward several years the prison is reopened, under the control of it's new Warden Eaton Sharpe. A former security guard who framed Charlie. When prisoners are ordered to break down the wall to the electric chair, they unknowingly release the angry spirit of Charles Forsyth, a powerful being suffering from a murderous rage, all leading up to the Warden himself.

Review:

Before he cranked out “A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master”, Renny Harlin directed this effective little horror picture. Filmed in a real prison, “Prison” features a great cast, solid special FX and as with all his pictures, great directing by Harlin.

It doesn’t matter how shitty the movie is, Harlin can make any movie look good. Did you see that male witch film he did “The Covenant”? Shitty film but it sure looked good! Thankfully “Prison” doesn’t suck balls. We get a fairly interesting story to keep our attention and a cast that features the likes of Lane Smith, Viggo Mortensen, Tom Everett, Chelsea Field and Tiny Lister. Tag to that the idea to actually film in a prison works extremely well and helped the film have that realistic look. The FX by John Carl Buechler and crew is great and the death sequences are pretty good (the barb wire one hit the spot!) A simple but effective music work by Richard Band and Christopher Stone and Harlin doing his slick and stylish thing and we get a winner.

Any complaints? For 10 seconds in the finale we get to see the zombified corpse of the film’s villain. He’s cool but only for 10 seconds!? Come on Harlin, don’t be so selfish.

“Prison” is definitely worth a view for you horror fans out there. Give it a chance sometime, Recommended.

7/10

'Till the next time Boils and Ghouls!

Movie Knight Double Feature Vol. 1

Grab your nachos and Pepsi movie geeks cause it's the Movie Knight Double Feature.





(plays Grindhouse theme music)





Our first movie tonight is....





From Beyond (1986)
Director-Stuart Gordon
Run Time-86 minutes



I can’t believe it took me this long to see “From Beyond”. Well it was worth the wait, that’s for damn sure. The story hooked me in right from the start and I couldn’t keep my eyes off the screen. And it’s pretty hard when you have a cast like Jeffrey Combs, Barbara Crampton and Ken Foree and excellent special FX created by John Carl Buechler and his crew.



I actually like this film a TAD more then Stuart Gordon’s previous and most popular film “Re-Animator”. The story had me more interested in the events that unfolded before my eyes. John Carl Buechler and his crew deserve some applause for pulling some truly grotesque but totally badass special FX. CGI blows cock compared to the stuff seen in this film. The Dr. Pretorius creature is a sight to see, especially the changes it goes through. Plus Jeffrey Combs sucking the eyeballs out of people’s skulls? Too fucking cool. And to hate a film where Barbara Crampton dresses up in leather S&M gear should be illegal.



The film builds to an exciting finale and the pace is fast so you should never be bored. My only complaint is things get a tad repetitive in the first hour but that’s only a very minor nitpick. If you haven’t seen it, see it right now. Don’t be foolish and wait like I did. Highly Recommended.



8/10





(bathroom break)





Our next movie is....



Cellar Dweller (1988)
Director-John Carl Buechler
Run Time-78 minutes



Sigh, what a disappointment. “Cellar Dweller” sounded so cool. Comic book artist’s creation comes to life and kills people, sounds like my kind of entertainment! But something was wrong. I’ll begin with the stuff I liked. The Cellar Dweller was a cool creature and there were some neat gore sequences. The movie is only 70 minutes without credits, so it’s over before you know it. The cast is also not that bad.



But when you have a short running time make sure you fill it with plenty of monster action and Cellar Dweller lacks in that department. Too much talking and not enough carnage! I wasn’t exactly bored but my interest was only on the Cellar Dweller itself and not the human targets that mostly filled the screen time. The movie needed about an additional 10 or 15 minutes of the Cellar Dweller ripping people apart and I would’ve been pleased. But the thing that really disappointed me was the ending. What a lame cap-off! We don’t get one ending but multiple and each one worse then the last. Director John Carl Buechler sure didn’t know how to end his own film.



“Cellar Dweller” is ultimately a cool concept but the execution is not so good. Cool creature and sweet gore aside, the lack of monster action and the unbelievably lame multiple endings really brought this film down for me. Not terrible but very disappointing.



5/10